iMessage and I

Around 10 years or so ago, I got invited into a group DM chat with some people I met on Twitter, I had always loved apple, tech and apps etc, but this was really the first time I was exposed to the many others that shared my same interests.

That also ignited something inside me that had wanted to create my own group like that, my own chat community, so I did.

I believe the first one started in twitter itself as well, or possibly it may have been slack, either way over the next ten years or so, the group I had created moved and tried every chat app out there. I mean ALL of them. Every time a new chat app came out, we tried it, anytime a chat app had an update, we tried it.

In doing so I realized that running a chat group with many different people was a lot harder then it looked, especially for someone who has some anxiety issues.

I would get DMs from people, “hey I don’t like telegram, let’s try WhatsApp”, or “hey, let’s use slack it has all the different channels”, or “hey, that’s cool if you guys wanna use WhatsApp but I won’t because I don’t like Facebook”, or “hey Twitter is cool but I use a third party twitter app so I can’t see group chats”.

Day in and day out there would be at least one person bitching or adding comments, and then as I had anxiety I would just listen to that one person and move the whole group, or shut everything down, I have done that more times than I can count, people will message me and say where did the group go, and I have deleted it, alienating people and featuring the groups, even though that didn’t really do much to help my anxiety because then everyone would message me, “where did the group go?”, “you’re selfish, why not just delete the apps off your phone?” And I was made to fell why should I worry about my needs when I could just delete the app and keep the groups open, the truth is when I did that, I would get FOMO fear of missing out and then eventually come back.

So here I was last weekend, in the same boat, people wanting to use one app or another, still getting DMs etc, my anxiety through the roof, in addition to everything else that’s going on in society right now.

So that’s when it hit me, I messaged a few people I talk to in the chat groups all the time, and I said I wanna have an iMessage group are you interested. And for the most part people said yes, there were a few I was interested in keeping more contact with that said no, but there is nothing I can do about that.

I started using it on sat and I have to say it’s been great, I can still keep in touch with the people I talk with most often, and being a small group it’s easy to stay caught up, everyone’s talking, and participating, because in most large chat groups if you have 300 people only a few chat, most just consume, and the ones that only consume and don’t participate and usually the first ones to complain about something, or have an issue, so nobody is bitching about moving from this app to another, and it’s working great.

I should have done this years ago, the only small issues are supposedly being addressed in iOS 14, a chat marker, so you know where you left off and the ability to @ people in a group chat.

So in closing, I won’t be using chat apps anymore, im much less stressed, I’m not anxious that I’m missing out on anything, and I’m glad I have met all of you guys, I’ll be talking with you via iMessage or via Twitter in the future.

Thoughts

I have been super busy trying to prepare for quarantine the last couple of weeks. I haven’t been writing much, I haven’t been on my social media, or engaging in my chatgroups as much as normal. I will be trying to change this behavior ASAP. I still have a lot of topics I would like to write about, and I’m working on those now, and I’m starting to interact more in other places. I hope you all stay safe in this challenging time.

Chat App Chaos

For years I have hosted a group chat about Apple, apps, tech, homescreens etc. The group has changed names plenty of time, and has changed members quite a few times over the years as well.

It has also changed apps that we use a lot, probably more times then users would like.

We have tried them all, from flash in the pan like that yahoo messenger, to Twitter group DM chats, to skype, Slack, Google Hangouts, the other google chat app, Groupme, Signal, iMessage, you name it.

It really always boils down to two apps and two distinct sets of people who love each app and won’t use the other.

There are the Telegram users, Telegram is an amazing app, it does everything you want a chat app to do and more, the negatives for myself is connectivity, it has that problem a lot, and sometimes I think it’s going to suffer from bloat, because I don’t think it knows whether it wants to be a fun social chat app or a more business focused chat app. Looks wise it’s beautiful and functionally soild though. The users who use this app generally don’t like to use a different app.

Then there are the WhatsApp users, WhatsApp is a solid app, it is the most used chat app around, it is fully featured, the look is a little dated, but it’s rock solid and I have never had any connectivity issues. It’s very slow to implement new features, and it’s biggest turn off to people is that it’s owned by Facebook. Which admittedly can be a huge turn off to some people who don’t use Facebook or are worried about privacy issues.

I tried using a Twitter DM as a happy medium but so many people hate the stock twitter app and use a 3rd party Twitter app that that wasn’t a solution either.

It always essentially boils down to these two groups of people who prefer one app or the other. And then inevitably it gets stressful to me, because when people are just chatting in a group that I have worked hard to put together what no one sees is the DMs from people saying I wish we were in Telegram, I wish we were in WhatsApp, I wish we were in Slack, then I get in my own head and think, would we get more people here? Or would we get more people there and I get stressed out and I just shut down. I say fuck it, it’s not worth my mental stress worrying about all these people when I have other things in my life to worry about, why let something fun be stressful. So then I delete all the chats and vanish for a while, then wash, rinse, repeat. It’s a never ending cycle.

What I realized now, is that maybe I will end the group chats altogether, not right now but someday, and that I can’t make everyone happy. But I am going to pick an app to stick with and keep that group and for people who wanna join great, and for people who don’t I’ll see ya some other way. And if you DM me about wishing you were in another app or bashing the current app, I’m gonna delete ya, and unfriend ya, because it’s not worth my mental stress.

And if you are interested in joining our group, please hit me up on Twitter at @Jasonmendeloff and I can add you.

The Last Two Weeks

I haven’t been writing much because ive just had a stressful couple of weeks, had some major car issues, so I had to get a ride to work, getting up earlier than usual, then worrying about it at night so I haven’t been getting enough sleep, finally got that fixed tues night.

Then last weekend we took the kids sledding and my son went down the hill and it was a huge hill all ice, just one walking path to get back up, and got scared when he got to the bottom because people can’t control where they go on the sleds and he almost got slammed into, so I went rushing down to get him and I slipped on the ice and my left leg went down and my right leg stayed planted and I just felt a pop, so I feel like I tweaked something, it still is hurting a week later.

I haven’t been able to goto the gym in like 2 weeks because of only having one car since I was working on mine and making sure the kids get to their activities and I couldn’t do anything anyways because of my leg, I could barely put pressure on it until tues.

On Wednesday my wife’s grandfather passed away, he took a turn for the worse on Monday and then passed on Wednesday but he was dying slowly for three days, which is extremely painful to watch and deal with especially for my wife, they were very close, and all of us thought he would live forever, he was super tough and had such a great outlook on life, he was kind and generous and funny, a true great man, and an inspiration.

Last night I got sick, which I rarely do but once a year, but I think it’s from the last two weeks not getting enough sleep, pushing myself hard, and the stress of everything. I went to bed at about 8pm last night and I woke up this morning and feel quite a bit better except for a sore neck because I slept on the couch, because I wanted to quarantine myself so no one got sick before the funeral on Monday

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, but things are slowly getting back to normal, so I’ll be back to writing more often and back on twitter as well.